I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
