i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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