I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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