Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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