I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
