When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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