Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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