I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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