haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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