My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
