Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You work out of a Hotel?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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