I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize