You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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