worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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