I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
