How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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