Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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