OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Randomize
