i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I party with great urgency now.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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