alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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