now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
