Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
