how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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