State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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