Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
well you can't waste a boner
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
