Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
