I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize