when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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