I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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