you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
