I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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