its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize