Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize