I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
