omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
