she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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