was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
