trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize