Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
