I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
