3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
