Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
