I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
