Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize