After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
