Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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