You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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