I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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