my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
