you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
