Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Two words: blizzard sex
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize