We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
