I wish my penis had an off switch
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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