I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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