Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
