I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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