i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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