I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
