Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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