the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
