what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We had to coat check the pizza.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
ok first of all what the fuck
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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