id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
