I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
