Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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