she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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