It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
