he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
