Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
