Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
